My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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