Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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