Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
