The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
