I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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