he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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