I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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