I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
