Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
