Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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