the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
