CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
