OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
