I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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