I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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