This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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