So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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