So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize