So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Farmville is her only friend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
