We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize