How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
