what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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