Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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