covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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