It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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