I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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