I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
