I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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