Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
