You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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