Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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