When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize