I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
