Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
