Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize