can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
