can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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