so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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