how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
