I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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