i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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