You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it because I queefed?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
