I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
