Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
