Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
