do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
