Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
