I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
