R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I faked an abortion last night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
