at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
