Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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