How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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