every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
