I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
