3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
