mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize