It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
