If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
