mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
