you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I love you.
Bad choice
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize