dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
