We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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