i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
