apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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