that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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