everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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