I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize