State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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