He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
