you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
