apparently the secret to your success is patron
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
