Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so that wasnt chicken after all
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
